I had my first seizure today at 10:30 am after going eight months without having one. The only thing that I remember was that I was standing up putting a plate on the kitchen counter and then all of a sudden, the seizure happened. All of the usual symptoms were occurring, the tingling sensation in the stomach, my heart beating really fast, and flashing lights in my right eye. Afterwards, I was extremely dizzy and was dealing with major vertigo. My head was killing me for most of the day. I was curled up on the bed crying my eyes out. It’s just a natural reaction to having an epileptic episode. I really cannot control it. For the entire day, I was in bed trying to recuperate from the episode. Everyone was worried about me today because I was very quiet and distant. I wasn’t being my normal self. I just wanted to be by myself. To think and reflect on what just happened to me. New people have come into my life and I have to explain my epilepsy to them and let them know what my epilepsy entails, how they should handle it, and what they can do to help me. I like my privacy. I get really nervous when this conversation has to go down. Most people tend to shut down and get scared. So, as a result, I don’t really talk about my epilepsy to anyone unless they are going to be a permanent part of my life.
I was really struggling with the decision on whether or not I should contact Dr. Lüds my dude as I like to call him. That is my neurologist, Dr. Lüders. He is the best doctor in the world to me. He is so understanding and compassionate when it comes to the feelings that I have about my epilepsy. He has become my best friend. I really appreciate him for taking care of me. I was on the fence about what I was going to do. Was I going to call him and document the seizure in my diary or was I going to leave it alone and think of myself? I am smart enough to put my health and the life of others before my own personal wants and needs. I had to confide in my mom about it. She gave me a response that I was not expecting, “You are going to risk your chance of independence.” in other words, driving. I don’t know what to do. I guess I will hold off on calling him until it happens again. That’s what I usually do anyway just to be sure it was what I thought it was.